Caught in the Clash of Contradictions
©TEA Press
Making Space for What Does Not Fit
Life rarely presents itself in neat, consistent packages. We can love someone and struggle with their behaviour. We can value honesty and still find it difficult to hear the truth. We can want change while feeling apprehensive about what it might bring.
These contradictions are part of being human. They also exist in the world around us. An organisation may promote wellbeing while creating conditions that leave people exhausted. A workplace may encourage independent thinking while penalising anyone who challenges established practice.
Sometimes the very things intended to help us begin working against us. We can find ourselves caught between competing expectations, conflicting values or realities that simply do not fit together.
The Crosswinds That Pull Us in Different Directions
I find it helpful to think of these competing influences as ‘crosswinds’. Some arise within us, from our fears, needs and conflicting desires. Others come from relationships, social expectations, institutions and the circumstances in which we live.
When these forces pull in different directions, we can struggle to find our bearings. We go round in circles, questioning ourselves, reconsidering our decisions and searching for an explanation that will finally make everything fit.
Perhaps we believe that if we could understand another person better, find the right words or change our approach, the difficulty would disappear. Or perhaps we keep trying to satisfy expectations that cannot all be met.
When Trying to Resolve Everything Becomes the Problem
One sign that we are caught in the clash is when resolving the contradiction becomes a struggle in itself. We keep searching for certainty, even when the situation itself remains inconsistent or beyond our ability to change.
There is a difference between recognising a contradiction and feeling compelled to resolve it. We can acknowledge that someone has qualities we value and behaviours that hurt us. We can recognise that an organisation provides genuine benefits while also producing damaging consequences. We can accept that our own feelings may conflict without needing to decide immediately which one is right.
Making Room for Contradiction
Developing the capacity to make room for these different realities takes practice. It means learning to look both inwards and outwards, recognising our own responses while remaining attentive to the relationships and environments that shape them.
Perhaps we sometimes forget that life is larger than our explanations of it. We examine individual thoughts, feelings and circumstances, trying to understand how everything fits together. Yet we are also part of something larger than our individual understanding. Like the pebbles and sand at the water’s edge, the different elements of our lives belong to a wider whole. We do not have to understand every part or resolve every tension to find our place within it.
You Do Not Have to Make Everything Fit
Sometimes a contradiction needs challenging. Sometimes it calls for a decision or a change in direction. Sometimes we discover that the problem is not ours to solve. And sometimes we simply need to acknowledge what remains unresolved and give ourselves space to think.
Awareness need not become an endless obligation to understand, reconcile or repair everything. We can recognise what is happening without taking responsibility for making it all fit. We can consider what matters, what is possible and where our choices lie, even when some questions remain unanswered.
We cannot always change the crosswinds, but we can learn to recognise when they are affecting our direction. That recognition can help us pause, regain our bearings and choose our next step, rather than remaining caught in the effort to make everything agree.
Are there things in your life that you have been trying hard to make sense of or reconcile? What might change if you acknowledged the contradictions without feeling obliged to resolve them immediately? Contradictory feelings do not always need to be resolved. Sometimes the most helpful response is to recognise the competing influences, consider what is within your control, and choose a small next step.
